The Dog Days

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I am babysitting as I write this. I’m a yaya by day and an online trabahador by night.

It feels like summer vacation. An extra hot summer vacation. Mark drops me off at my parents’ home every morning (like daycare for the pregnant) and I spend the day either in bed or with the boys (and our newest baby- a girl) and then my lovely achi feeds me breakfast, lunch, meryenda and gives me pabaon dinner. I get to spend more time with my siblings and dogs, and I get to eat my sister’s yummy cooking. We’re the kind of siblings who like to do things together, going out to watch movies, going back to our old school to jog/walk, trying out new restaurants and attractions, travelling, even grocery shopping- and since I got married, I kind of missed that because now I have my own plans with my husband.

Anyway, when I get home, I immediately start or continue working on whatever task has been assigned to me for the day. I’m currently doing, um, anything- public service announcements, thinking up slogans, transcription of interviews and presentations, and I’ve also just started writing essays for website and ezine content. It’s something new and totally unrelated to what I’ve been doing for the past 6 years, but I look forward to it everyday. If you love the show F.R.I.E.N.D.S., do you remember when Chandler quit his high paying job as a… (not even Monica knew what his job was called) and went on to become an unpaid intern for an advertising company and he felt so refreshed? I kind of feel like that, except my company closed and I’m basically giddy because I’m trying something new for the first time and I’m getting paid to do it (well, barya compared to the good old stable salary) plus I get to stay home, lie down and nap when I want (and believe me, lately, I can doze off anywhere, anytime) and work while wearing my tattered shirt and Mark’s boxer shorts (my shorts don’t fit me anymore) so it’s kind of a novelty, an exciting possibility which could turn into something steady and really interesting.

I don’t know if this will last, maybe I will finally find whatever it is I am looking for when it comes to career fulfillment or maybe eventually I will realize that I still prefer human resources and a desk job over anything. But I am happy to have been given the chance, albeit not by choice, to explore other options and to live my dream as a housewife. Although I haven’t been housewifely at all, I haven’t been an attentive wife. I call to have meals delivered, I make Mark prepare food for me, ask him to buy me snacks at ungodly hours, I am always hot (the sweaty kind) and moody and demanding, I doze off in the middle of watching TV (usually NBA, heh) and I am always hungry! I am almost at my second trimester (going 11 weeks this weekend) and I am excited to go back to the old energetic me. Oooooor not. I don’t remember ever being energetic. I mean, not this tired, like I’m all slushy. I also can’t wait to start showing. Right now I’m just bloated and my clothes don’t fit because I eat too much, not because of a baby bump. I feel so paranoid because I keep wondering if the baby is still there and why am I not showing? Why am I not puking my guts? Why don’t I have cravings? Why is my chest not yet D??? Hahahaha! I also feel ugly, like heavy, sweaty, dry skinned, gassy, ugly. I feel nauseous at night and the moment I get up to pee in the mornings, but I told myself I won’t puke the entire 40 weeks, and I’ve been holding it in so far. :-p I worry about a lot of things and I’m glad my husband has been awesome. Mostly, I just want to know that our little one is alright. I’d gladly feel all the horrible stuff and go through the pain, whatever, just as long as the baby is alright. I feel blessed because I am having a relatively easy first trimester. We’ve seen the heartbeat, now I’d give anything to be able to hear it, loud and healthy. I hope we’d get to do that this Saturday during our next check up.

Okay. I just dozed off.

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