Baby Blues

Proof that you’re getting old? You now receive invitations not just for weddings, but also for baby showers and christenings. You no longer shop for just your friends’ Christmas presents, you also need to find gifts for their little cutie-patooties and admittedly, you enjoy doing this more. Your FB news feed is full of couples announcing their engagement, posting pre-nup photos, wedding photobooth shots, and scans of their latest ultrasound- is it a boy or a girl? Ah, time. Where have you gone? Next we’ll be comparing mortgage rates and escrow would be part of small talk. Oh wait, it already is.

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Not a day passes by without someone asking me if I am already pregnant or when I intend to bear a child. I shrug and say, I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, we want a kid. Okay, I want A kid and Mark wants kidS. Somehow, I am just waiting for the right time. And when might that be, you ask? Next year? Honestly, I am enjoying the independence I have right now. It might sound selfish to some but I like being with Mark and spending most of my time with him- just us. It has only been less than a year since we got married and once we decide it’s time to have a mini-us, there would be no turning back. Everything will change, even for the better, still change. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

I know that nothing compares to motherhood and carrying a child in your womb and being a parent and all that. I want that, too. I feel a twinge of jealousy every time I see a little hand clinging on to someone’s big finger. Heck, I even want the big belly. Lately we’ve been spending more time talking about how our baby would look like- would he have my nose and Mark’s height? Will we have a boy or a girl? Will my boobs get bigger as my tummy gets larger? Mark and I are both looking forward to the day we’ll be parents. But it won’t be all cute and cuddly, it will be a HUGE responsibility. I want to be a good parent, to be able to protect our child and provide for all his needs and wants.

For now, I’ll enjoy looking at photos of ultrasounds (wow, there’s a 4D version) and positive results of pregnancy tests, I’ll look at photos of big bellies and colorful cloth diapers with mild interest and I’ll cheer whenever I read an announcement of how a baby spoke his/her first words or walked his/her first steps.

We’ll get there too and how badly we want it. But right now I’m just taking my sweet time. đŸ™‚

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